It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
