WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize