I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
