the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Randomize
