Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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