Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
