Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
