I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
