so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
