You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
