guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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