ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
