Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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