just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
