not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
