Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
