even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
