Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Randomize
