That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
