i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
