"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
They are going to name an STD after you.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
