she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
