I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Randomize
