Having a random hookup so left but love u
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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