can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
pop tarts are not kleenex
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize