I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
