If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
