I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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