Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
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