Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
