Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I need to calm my uterus...
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
