its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Randomize
