Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
what day is it and did you see me today?
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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