I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
