Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
