jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize