She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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