This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
