Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
