You really coming over, don't trick.
I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
