i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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