somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
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