I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
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