Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
i just had sex bonerless
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
