You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
