k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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