Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
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