Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
