woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
BRING THE BAGELS
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
