My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize