watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
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