you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
