i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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