DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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