I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
