girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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