What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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