I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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