I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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