Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
