What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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