i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
