Porn is love you can see.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
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