He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
