Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
