At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
