So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
