I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Randomize
