I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
