He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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