There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
