i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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