I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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