We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Randomize
