we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I didn't notice because vodka
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
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