watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I got inside last night via doggy door
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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