I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Randomize