i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
and she was petting her beer can
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
