I CAN MOONWALK!
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
