The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
wow bdsm is so cute
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Randomize
