i think my mom watched the whole time
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
