you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize