An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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