There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
