real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
