i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize