I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Randomize
