He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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