I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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