marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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