if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize