u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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