i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Randomize
