we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
