85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
