she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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