You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
