I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Randomize
