apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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