used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
