yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Randomize
