I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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