someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Randomize
