Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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