Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Randomize
