My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize