If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
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