I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Randomize
