she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
