he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
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